Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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