I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
