I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
