No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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