Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
