Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Someone signed my nipple.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
