It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
