This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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