Got a toothbrush?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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