You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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