i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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