So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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