How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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