Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
