What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
