I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
