My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
