Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
