The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
