I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize