I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
