Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize