I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My life is pants optional.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
