Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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