I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As shirtless as possible
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
