the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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