return my video game
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
