She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize