matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
