Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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(512): View more from Texas

My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

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(410): View more from Maryland

He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

True romance of the 21st century.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.

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(727): View more from Florida

Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with

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(843): View more from South Carolina

the evidence from last night is not good...

(904): View more from Florida

what evidence?

(843): View more from South Carolina

my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...

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(740): View more from Ohio

it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.

(419): View more from Ohio

i've gotta research that and get back to you.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.

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