yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
