So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
