can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
