so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
