belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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