I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
