If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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