I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
