Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

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(256): View more from Alabama

A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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(419): View more from Ohio

i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face

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(443): View more from Maryland

If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.

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(816): View more from Missouri

this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

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(917): View more from New York City

You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida

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(281): View more from Texas

Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.

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