is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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