Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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