So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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