take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have aggressive nipples.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
