Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
