i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
