I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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