Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
