Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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