Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
