so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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