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• (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Her vagina devoured it.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?

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• (646): View more from New York

  How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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• (916): View more from California

  Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  How's my date look?

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like a retarded elf

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In a good way

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent

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