i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
