i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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