I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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