Plan B is the new Plan A
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
