My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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