Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
