so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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