Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
