this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
