didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
