Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
