i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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