And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
