I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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