did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
