Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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