Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
