so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize